Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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