very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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