I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
