May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
