I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
