I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
