I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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