Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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