she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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