hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
