butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
