just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
