What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize