Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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