if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
