dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
