so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
