New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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