Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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