1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
