My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
