I just cut my nipple shaving
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
