i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
