I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Every concussion has its silver lining
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
