So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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