I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
