Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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