i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
