ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
