Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize