Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
