yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
