she takes plan B like it's going out of style
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is the high leading the old right now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't notice because vodka
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
