You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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