girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
