It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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