I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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