I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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