There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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