OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
