Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
