She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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