At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
