We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize