my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
