Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
