I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
