Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
