Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
