hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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