Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
