It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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