i think my mom watched the whole time
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
