Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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