Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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