ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
