Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
