I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
