after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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