conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
