Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize