at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
