Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
