Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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