While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
