Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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