just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
