Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
