I am in a vortex of obligation.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
