proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
