I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
