Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize