the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
