Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
