I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
