mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
