Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
