Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
